Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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