I didn't shave. On purpose
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
