I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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