Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
