Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
