This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
