Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
