You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
