I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
