so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
