Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
