I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
