I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
