i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
