How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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