oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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