I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Randomize
