so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
