You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
