The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
