if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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