My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Still dying that you shit outside
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
