Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
