Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
