Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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