were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
