shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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