I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
