dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
