If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
