You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
