Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
