i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
