I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
