Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
