I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
