Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
