remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sober January is a disaster.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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