Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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