Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
