Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
