His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
