Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
