All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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