I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
