He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
