Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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