We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
