saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
