lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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