Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
